Confessions
by Betty BOKOR
Summary: SamDaniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private. Sam feels very affected by it and decides to talk openly with Jack and Daniel once and for all.
1. Chapter 1

**Confessions** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private.  
Spoilers: All seasons, including 10.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Confessions**

**Chapter 1**

When Jack finally reached Sam's office, he expected to see her reclining at her table, lost in thought over some strange device. Instead, she was sitting on the small sofa in a corner of her lab, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and hugging her legs against her body with her other arm. She was lost in thought, no doubt, but she simply looked sad and about to cry.

"Carter!" he called with a smile.

She startled and then stood up immediately. "Sir! I didn't know you were in town," she tried with a smile of her own.

"Well, I was driving by and saw the lights," he joked. "It's pretty late to still be here, Carter," he added, changing his tone. "What are you doing? Is Daniel around, too?"

Her smile quickly disappeared as she walked toward her table and started shuffling papers around. "Cam and Teal'c are helping General Landry move some furniture in his office and I didn't feel like going home with all of them here."

"Where's Daniel? Helping out, too?"

"No," she said a little bit more strongly than she had wished. "He's on a _non-date_ with Vala. Well, at least _he_ claims it's not a date, because _she_ pretty much looked like she was going on the date of her life. I don't think any of us actually believes him," she added quickly, as if to clarify. "They both have been pretty close since she came back." She turned around and whispered, "You should have seen how he hugged her the day when we finally found her at that warehouse."

Jack smiled again. He thought it was funny that the stoic colonel could not disguise the jealousy in her tone. For years she had been the best friend and confidant of an attractive man who had remained single and unattached since the death of his wife. It was logical that she felt jealous when someone else started taking up his free time that had previously only been for her. Daniel's relationship with the singular alien would probably end up in romance or even something more serious and Jack could see how that would affect the lonely Sam. He thought she needed some cheering up. "Let's go to Hank's office. George Hammond came with me and he's probably already there. We'll get all the gang together and we can hide in Daniel's office and surprise him when he comes to bring Vala back to the base. We have to tease him about this," he proposed.

She did not seem very convinced. "He probably won't go by the office," she suggested.

"We'll leave a message at the gate on top. We'll say General O'Neill sent a package for him and that it's in his office. That will make him come."

She reluctantly agreed and later that evening she joined him and her other friends as they waited in Daniel's office. As soon as the guards let them know the two members of SG-1 were on their way down, they turned off the lights and waited in silence.

Sam feared the moment when she imagined Daniel would open the door and turn on the lights as Vala hung from his neck and tried to kiss him. Or, even worse, she pictured him pinning her against the wall in the darkness and kissing her passionately while everybody listened to their moans. She shook her head and with a deep sigh tried to erase the images from her mind.

A few minutes later the door opened slightly and she knew the moment had come.

"I'm serious, Vala. I'm sorry that it's so hard for you to understand, but I was clear from the beginning," they all heard Daniel say. "I only came this way to pick up Jack's package and I'm not going to your quarters with you." She must have tried to complain because Daniel's tone changed slightly as if he were admonishing a child. "You're a very attractive woman, I know, and I'd love to accept your invitation, but it would be a betrayal of my own feelings. As long as I feel this way, it wouldn't be fair to get into a relationship with anyone. It would hurt us both."

"I don't care if you're in love with somebody else," she answered seductively. "It's obviously not working or you'd be with that person right now and not with me."

Even in the dark Sam knew Vala was touching him in some way. She felt a shiver and tried to control her uneasiness.

"Vala, I'm not going to change my mind. I _am_ your friend and you can count on me whenever you need me. We've been through enough together and I feel the bond that exists between us, but it's not that kind of bond," Daniel said. They all realized he had just separated himself from her and walked toward the lights. It was not going to be as much fun to surprise him as they had imagined after they had witnessed such a private conversation.

"Daniel." Vala called him softly and he seemed to turn to look at her.

"What?"

"When I came here for the first time I heard plenty of rumors about you," she said with a conspiratorial tone. "About you and O'Neill," she added slowly, "but we both know you're not gay, so…"

"So nothing," he interrupted her. "I'm not going to tell you who this person is, so forget it and go to bed."

"Oh, come on. It's just a little game. I think I can get it right."

"It doesn't matter. I have a hard enough time trying to get over it and I don't need you to remind me."

"But I could take you to my bed and make you forget…"

Daniel sighed with exasperation. "You don't get it, do you? How could it be good for any of us if I tried to make love to you and all the time I was wishing you were somebody else? I can't do that. I told you; it's not fair for either of us and I already have enough trouble keeping my mind from going there with her."

"So, let me see," Vala tried again. "You're in love with this woman, but she's not with you and you don't even allow yourself to imagine how it would be to have her in your arms."

"No! Besides, she was very clear three years ago; she put me in my place. So, stop it. Just go to bed."

"And you've been in love with her for a while," Vala continued as if he had not spoken, "because you said earlier that you thought you could get over it when _"that person"_ found somebody else, but then, let's say, _she_ dumped _him_," she finished with a chuckle.

Sam automatically stood up. She felt those words had hit too close to home. Cam's arm pulled her back down to sit on Daniel's sofa.

"Vala…" Daniel warned. "She didn't dump him. The relationship didn't work and not because of me, if that's where your mind is going."

"Okay… And it cannot be this famous doctor Janet everybody talks about, because she passed away… So that only leaves…" She stopped as if suddenly she had found the answer. "There's only one other woman that close to you! You're in love with Sam Carter!"

Sam stood up again and nobody stopped her this time.

"You'd better not repeat that, Vala," Daniel warned one more time.

"But you admit it's true! It has to be!" Vala exclaimed with excitement.

"All right, it's true, and I don't need you to tell me that she doesn't return my feelings because I already know it too well," Daniel added with complete exasperation.

"Do you think she's in love with somebody else?"

"Yes. Probably." He sounded doubtful. "I have no idea, but she's not in love with me. _We're very, very good friends_, as she put it. So, please, I'm begging you, leave it alone." He paused for a second and then said, "I need to go home," and started walking away from the door.

"What about O'Neill's package?" Vala asked.

"I'll get it on Monday. I need to go. I need to go home."

His steps sounded more distant and then Vala suddenly closed the door and left, too.

Someone in the room turned on a light. Sam was standing in the middle of the office, near the door, looking at it. She turned around and everybody saw that her eyes were full of tears.

"I didn't understand the question," she said softly.

"Carter, this isn't your fault," Jack said from his corner.

"I didn't understand the question," she repeated as if she had not heard him. "I have to tell him."


	2. Chapter 2

**Confessions** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private.  
Spoilers: All seasons, including 10.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Confessions**

**Chapter 2**

"Samantha," Hammond said as he walked to her. "I know that if your father were here, he would tell you the same. Jack's right. This is not your fault, child. Why don't you let Dr. Jackson get home now? Maybe, during the weekend, you may try talking to him."

"You don't understand either," Sam replied as if they were all missing the main point.

"I believe you should talk to DanielJackson right now and explain yourself to him," Teal'c said solemnly.

"Aw, T," Jack complained. "Don't put those ideas in her head."

Landry stepped toward the door and said, "I think this is a private matter and not the subject of an SGC debriefing. Colonel Carter, I'm sorry we have all intruded in your personal life like this, albeit unwillingly."

"It's okay, sir. One way or another, we all would have found out now that Vala knows."

"I understand, but I'll leave you with your friends to think this over. Good evening," he added and left the room after softly patting her arm.

"I'll go talk to him now," Sam said and started walking toward the door herself.

"Carter, wait," Jack tried again. "He's feeling all down now, you know him. He doesn't need you giving him all the logical reasons why you can't love him. Give the poor guy a break."

"I don't think that's what Sam had in mind," Cam said softly as he got up from his seat. "Right, Sam?" he said looking at her.

"What else could she tell him?" Jack asked with heavy sarcasm.

"That he's the most brilliant, the most caring person I've ever met," Sam almost whispered. "That any woman would be crazy not to love him. That I would do anything for him."

Jack sat heavily on Daniel's desk chair as Teal'c approached Sam. "You should go right now, Samantha."

"I can drive you there," Cam offered. "I'm not sure you should be driving right now."

Sam and Cam left the room without another word. Jack stayed in his seat and called to Teal'c. "Hey, Teal'c, do you think she's serious? Do you think she means she's in love with him or she's just trying to make him feel better? Because I know she loves him, but not_ that_ way-"

"SamanthaCarter has been in love with DanielJackson for the longest time," Teal'c interrupted him.

Jack gave him an incredulous look. "Oh, come on, T. I would have noticed. We-"

"It was obvious for anyone to see: it was a matter of paying attention. For the last years you have had more important matters to tend to and you have not been as close to them as I have. I have seen the love in their eyes, but I believed they had to admit it to themselves before acknowledging it to each other."

Jack sighed heavily. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Teal'c."

"That is my point exactly, O'Neill," Teal'c finished and walked out of the room.

**…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...**

As Cameron drove a silent Sam to Daniel's house, he could not stop wondering what had taken so long for either of his teammates to reveal their feelings. He had known Sam for a long time and he remembered the Sam in love with Jonas Hansen, but this was completely different. Since the very first day, when Jackson had expressed his happiness at having her back at SGC and she had smiled back at him, Cam had noticed there was something special between them. It had not taken much longer to realize that most of the time they could communicate without even talking and only a little more to understand the feelings running below the surface. It was not just that Jackson was probably the only one of them who could think at the same level as Sam; it was that they were, in a way, twin souls. He had dared ask Teal'c about them and his teammate had explained that he had subtly tried to push them toward recognition of their feelings for fear that, because of their constant battle against a powerful enemy, it would in the long run be too late. Unfortunately, he had not succeeded; they were both too blind to their own feelings.

Cam had not had a chance to observe much of Sam's interaction with Jack O'Neill to form his own opinion on the rumors he had heard about the two of them, but he was certain he was not wrong about Daniel and Sam.

Now, there was a chance that everything would come out to the light. Cameron was sure that Sam would not allow Jackson to keep suffering because of her silence.

Sam, riding by his side, was deep in thought. She kept imagining different ways to tell Daniel about her feelings, but she always ran against two major obstacles. First, was she going to reveal to Daniel that all of his friends had heard his confession or was she going to use an excuse to bring up the subject of her feelings for him? And, worse, what was she going to say about herself? Why had she allowed all those years to pass without telling him? Well, he had not said anything either, so he would probably understand that part.

She started imagining how Daniel was feeling and she felt overcome by emotion. Goodness… she could not see him suffer… in any way.

She felt like crying. There had been so few occasions when she had allowed herself to cry since she had joined the program that every time it happened it had been overwhelming. She took a deep breath and try to stop it. A few minutes later they arrived at Daniel's house and Cam parked close to the front door.

"Do you want me to wait for you, Sam?" he asked softly.

She shook her head. "No, thank you, Cam. I can take it from here. Thank you. I really needed to be here tonight. I'll see you on Monday." She squeezed his right arm to emphasize her words and left the car.

Cam waited a few seconds and then decided it was better to leave her alone and drove off.


	3. Chapter 3

**Confessions** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private.  
Spoilers: All seasons, including 10.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Confessions**

**Chapter 3**

Sam walked to the door and tried to figure out if there were any lights on inside. She could not hear any noises and she started worrying again about how Daniel could be feeling. The desire to cry came rushing back and she slowly let it happen. She was fearful of what would happen after the door opened, but she had to face it once and for all. She rang the bell and waited. A few minutes passed and nothing happened. She tried again. Nothing. She rang the bell one more time and, as she waited in vain for any signs from Daniel, her crying increased in intensity and a few seconds later she was plainly sobbing.

On the other side of the door, Daniel felt his heart tighten. He was in bed when the bell rang for the first time. For a second he had thought it could be Vala, but soon dismissed the idea. She was not the consoling type. She probably had not come to his rescue.

When the bell rang for the second time, he got up and walked silently to the door. Maybe Jack had decided to come by his house after all, but Daniel did not want to see anyone. He wanted to be left alone. Then he heard Sam crying. He could not understand why she was there, but she was crying; he had to let her in. He warily opened the door.

Sam looked at his silhouette against the darkness of the foyer. She moved forward and he moved backwards to allow her to enter the house. She hurried in and then decided she needed to hug him. She turned around and threw her arms to his neck.

He embraced her strongly, ready to offer comfort. "What happened, Sam? Is everybody okay? Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

She did not answer, but kept crying without letting him go. He slowly guided her completely inside and closed the door. Then he walked awkwardly with her towards the den and there he offered her a seat down on a chair while he got some hot tea. She sat down, still sniffing. When he came back she had calmed down a bit. He sat on the floor by her feet and waited until she drank her tea.

When she was finished and looked more composed, he put the cup on a table and then held her hand.

"Sam?"

She took a few seconds to organize her thoughts. "Have you thought about what our lives have become over the years?" She finally asked.

"What do you mean?" He replied.

"I mean. Is this what you had planned for yourself? Is this what you dreamt of when you were in college?"

"Well, I had many crazy dreams, but nothing compared to what the Stargate has meant to me."

"I understand that, but I mean your personal life… What did you want? A family? Kids? Before Sha're…"

"No, Sam, this is definitely not what I thought my life would be by now. I'm over forty and I'm still alone. I know that with the dangers we face every day I shouldn't have the right to include someone else in my life, but the pull of the dream is strong… I always wanted a big family, something like what I thought my parents would have had if they hadn't died so young. Maybe they wouldn't… I just like to think they would." He paused for a second and then asked, "Is that what is bothering you, Sam? The way your life is going? We all know how successful you are professionally, but what did you want for yourself?"

"I never really planned much, especially after my mom died. Before that, I had a lot of girly plans, you know, but her death made everything became a serious matter. There was no place for fantasy left. With Jonas I felt for the first time that I could have a normal life, you know, a family, a home… That didn't last long. Then the Stargate happened and everything was put on hold. I never really tried again. I flirted with the possibilities on more occasions that I can remember… Pete was a mistake, from the get-go…"

"What happened today, Sam?"

"What do you feel for me, Daniel?" She asked unexpectedly.

He was taken by surprise and in a few seconds he made some connections in his mind. "Did you talk to Vala tonight, Sam? Is that what this is about?"

She sighed. "No," she answered honestly. "I didn't talk to her."

"You're sure? I don't understand… Why would you…? You really didn't talk to Vala?"

"No, Daniel. I didn't." She could not lie to him and she could not explain herself without him knowing the truth, so she gathered courage and told him what had happened in his office.

He backed away from her and for a moment he looked appalled. Then he regained control of himself and said, "Okay… So, everybody knows. That's fine; it's the truth, so… that's fine."

"Daniel-"

"No, Sam. It's okay. I mean it. I'm sorry you found out that way, but you don't have to say anything. We're fine." He stood up, picked up the tea cup from the table, and walked towards the kitchen. "More tea? I'm going to get some coffee and maybe an aspirin."

She was surprised by the way he was taking her revelation. She followed him into the kitchen and waited while he got his coffee and the painkillers.

"Daniel, we need to talk. Seriously."

"No, Sam, we don't have to talk about this. I'm fine. Don't worry anymore."

"What about what I feel? Can't we talk about that?"

"We all know what you feel, Sam, and it's okay with me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Her mood changed. "How could you know? You don't even talk about your own feelings; you're always covering up so that we don't see what's really eating you up-"

"You don't need to know what I feel. That's private. I can deal with my own problems." He put his coffee cup down and walked out of the room.

Sam followed him with increasing anger. "You've got to be kidding me, Daniel. If there's something redeeming about all the crap we've been through all these years, it's that we've stuck together, we've been there for each other every time we could; we've held each other's hands through the worst times… General O'Neill, Teal'c, you and I… We're still a team-"

"Jack, Sam. You should call him Jack by now."

The sarcastic tone of his last remark drove her over the edge. "You're acting like a child, you know," she said with fury in her voice.

"_I_ am?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Confessions** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private.  
Spoilers: All seasons, including 10.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Confessions**

**Chapter 4**

"Yes, you, the so mature, stoic, indestructible Daniel Jackson… just a jealous child, nothing more."

He had very strong emotions showing in his eyes, but he did not reply. He simply stood facing her as if he were struggling with his feelings.

"What? You won't even deny it?" Sam asked tauntingly.

He closed his eyes and tightened his hands in a fist.

"Come on, Daniel, say something. You can talk to Vala, it looks… Why can't you just tell me what you feel to my face?"

He took a deep breath, turned around, and started walking towards the den again.

Sam could not believe it. She was beyond furious. She was definitely mad at him. She followed him and grabbed him by the arm to stop him. "You won't get out of this one that easy, Daniel. We didn't mean to hear your confession to Vala, but it's done. Now, we need to deal with it."

"I already dealt with it," he said very calmly. "There's nothing else to do about it. One-sided feelings don't help friendships and I wouldn't like to put that kind of strain on ours, considering that it's already pretty strained to begin with-"

"Since when?"

"You're not serious, are you?" he asked with contempt.

"I'm very serious, Daniel. I didn't know that our friendship was strained… I don't even know what you mean by that."

"You can't deny that we're not the same we were before, Sam. Especially to each other. We've been slowly drifting apart. We used to spend most of our free time together; now there are many other people that take precedence."

"Of course… Vala's always ahead of me."

"Vala? I thought Vala was your friend."

"She is, but she's a whole lot closer to you."

"Maybe because nobody else is."

Sam just made a little sound of disbelief.

Daniel raised his voice a little. "You know very well it's true. Teal'c has been gone more often that ever before; Jack's in D.C., I don't know Cameron very well –it's not like we're old friends like you two– and the relationship that I used to have with General Hammond is not the same I have with Landry. We get along very well, but Hammond sometimes felt like a father to me."

"I wasn't anywhere in there."

"That's exactly my point."

"You mean that I have better things to do than being with you?"

"Wouldn't you say so?"

"No."

"You left to work on Nevada as soon as Jack left for Washington."

"I didn't go to Washington if that's what you're implying."

"I'm not implying anything. You were the head of the team and you left us. That was it."

"You were going to Atlantis yourself."

"I didn't request it until you left."

"You had requested it millions of times before."

"I never meant for it to be permanent."

"I didn't go to Nevada permanently either."

"You could have fooled me."

She took a deep breath. "You know what? I feel like hitting you tonight. You're so dense sometimes."

Daniel calmed down. "We should call it a night, Sam. Go home, take a long bath, forget about this."

"Like I could do that."

"Why not?" he said with exasperation.

She looked down and nodded. "I can't, Daniel. I just can't." She got closer to him and put her arms around his neck, "but I'll think about all this, everything you said. I listened, I promise you. We still need to talk, but we can do it another day; maybe next week, okay?"

He nodded.

She closed the embrace and rested a few seconds against him. Then she moved slightly backwards and said, "Call me a taxi, okay? Cam brought me here."

"I can take you home, Sam. Let me find my keys."

She nodded, but did not let him go. She was looking at him with such intensity that Daniel almost felt like running away from her. She sighed, nodded again, and then she kissed him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Confessions** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private.  
Spoilers: All seasons, including 10.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Confessions**

**Chapter 5**

He immediately knew it was not right. He was certain that the only rational choice was to stop Sam that instant… but he could not bring himself to do it. "Only this time, once in my life," he kept repeating in his mind as justification for not bringing Sam back to her senses and stopping the kiss. "I just want to know how it feels;" he tried to rationalize, "and then I'll tell her this is not the right thing to do." The thought that he was being selfish crossed his mind every few seconds and still he could not let go. Sam was kissing him the way he had only dreamt of being kissed by her and he simply had to let it happen.

He only started to seriously worry when Sam moved from the kiss to more intimate touch and slowly started pulling his T-shirt up to be able to feel his skin. All kinds of alarms blew in his head and he faintly tried to stop Sam's hands. She did not even notice. Not only was he not fighting it, he was passionately responding to every touch. Meanwhile, Sam kept escalating in her moves. In a few minutes they had both lost their tops and Sam had even gotten rid of her bra and her trousers. They were frantically fighting for control of the lovemaking, rolling on the den's carpet, completely oblivious to the lack of comfort that space provided them.

It was only when Sam grabbed his belt buckle that he realized how far they were going. His mind got suddenly clear and he sat up pulling Sam up with him.

"Stop! Stop, Sam; we have to stop," he said trying to control his breathing.

Sam simply looked at him as if he had gone mad.

"Don't look at me like that. This is wrong. You just found out what I feel for you and ten minutes later we're… I don't know- doing this!" He ended with a gesture of his hands, trying to grasp the meaning of what they had been doing.

Sam felt awkward, half naked, sitting on his carpet, but tried to put that behind to keep the dialogue going. "We were making love, Daniel."

"Oh, no. We did not make love-"

"So, what? We were having sex then?"

"No, no, no," he repeated and stood up to pick up his shirt and put it back on. "We didn't have sex. We just… made out a little," he tried as he offered a hand for her to get up.

Sam accepted and stood up. She was not feeling awkward anymore. She was not even angry. She was very amused. "Felt like a lot more than a little to me, Daniel," she said with a smile.

"I'm not joking, Sam," he said very seriously. "This is unacceptable. What you heard me say must have put you in a vulnerable state. I can't take advantage of that."

"I thought _you_ were feeling vulnerable, Daniel, and it was kind of fun taking advantage… kind of naughty."

She smiled and Daniel realized she was joking. "Listen, Sam. I think you need to take some time and reflect upon your feelings. See what you really feel, without taking into account what I feel."

Sam was now putting her clothes back on and trying to avoid smiling for fear of hurting Daniel's feelings. She had done what had felt right for her that night and she did not regret it a bit. Nevertheless, she understood where Daniel's doubts came from and she was willing to give him some time. "Sure. Can I stay for a while, so that we can talk some more?"

He was not sure that he wanted her to stay, but she sounded clearheaded and he could not find a reason why not to talk. "I need- I need to go upstairs for a minute. Take a quick shower… cold shower," he said, trying not to look at her. "Be back in a minute. Make yourself comfortable." He turned and left the room in a hurry.

Sam smiled and went to the powder room to refresh herself a little and fix her disheveled hair. She was just coming out of it, when she heard the bell ring. She looked toward the stairs and saw no signs of Daniel, so she decided to answer the door herself. She was not really surprised to see Jack on the other side.

"Hi, Sir."

"Sam. You still talking to Danny-boy?"

"Yep. Come in." She allowed him in and guided him toward the kitchen.

"I didn't mind to interrupt- It's just that you didn't look too well when you left the office and Daniel wasn't happy either… Frankly, I was worried. Where_ is _Daniel, anyway?"

Sam sat by the table and gestured for him to do the same. "He went upstairs to change. He dropped coffee all over himself," she made up as fast as she could.

"Burned?"

"Almost, but no, not really."

Jack was not sure he understood what she meant, but let it go.

A few seconds later they heard steps coming down the stairs. Sam stood up and peeked into the other room as she said, "Hey, Daniel, guess who's here… Wow! You had to shower? You couldn't get the coffee off?"

Daniel immediately understood what their cover story was and answered accordingly. It did not take him long either to guess who was waiting in the kitchen.

"Hi, Jack."

"Daniel…"

"Did you bring me the package you left in my office?"

Jack caught the sarcasm. "I see. Sam told you about my little prank. No hard feelings, then?"

"Nope," Daniel replied as he sat at the table.

"Great! Now, how are you both doing?"

"Fine," Sam answered and Daniel nodded in agreement.

"So, you're okay with what he feels for you?" Jack asked her.

She seemed surprised at the personal question, especially in front of Daniel, but had no trouble in answering it. "No, no problem at all. In fact, I'm glad to know."

Daniel looked surprised then.

"I see," Jack said as he played with a spoon he found on the table. "So, you'll have no problem going back to work together, right?"

"I'm sure I don't have any problems with it," Sam said with a smile.

"Danny-boy?'

"I'm fine," he said without hesitation.

"Good. You had me worried. I thought you'd get all upset about Sam not feeling the same way and, you know," he gestured to avoid finishing the sentence.

Sam felt upset. She was suddenly really upset. There was Jack again, dismissing any chance that she could love Daniel in any way. She felt very protective of him. She felt she had to defend him. "Why would you think I don't feel the same way, Sir? The truth is I do."

"You do what?" Jack asked playing dumb.

"I feel the same way. I love him."

Jack looked confused for a second, then he recovered. "Oh, sure you love him, the same way you love Teal'c or Cassie, I suppose. It's not the same-"

"I didn't mean that. I meant I'm in love with him," Sam replied even more upset.

Daniel looked from one to the other without saying a word.

"Sam… I'm sure you don't want to hurt his feelings, but you can't tell me that you feel for him the same way you-" He stopped afraid of finishing the sentence.

"The same way I feel for you, you mean?"

Jack was caught off-guard. Yes, that's what he meant. He just could not say something like that out loud. "…Or Pete, or, I don't know… what you felt for Jonas Hansen."

"You're right, Sir. It's not the same," Sam said and she had a hard time hiding how enraged she was. "I love him a lot more than that."

Daniel was dumbfounded. He could not say a word. He tried to keep listening without showing his emotions. He felt he ought to get out of the room and let them talk it out between them, but he could not move.

"Sam," Jack was saying. "You know exactly what we've shared all these years-"

"Yes, I know. Friendship, camaraderie, and an awful lot of flirting, I admit, but nothing beyond that."

"You didn't even get_ that_ with him!"

"Daniel and I may not have flirted, but I didn't get even close to making love with you," she said at the peak of her rage.

Jack felt like struck by lightning. He looked at Daniel. "You…?" His eyes finished the question.

Daniel closed his eyes and lowered his head in defeat. He was not going to get into the technical discussion of what they had been doing that night.

Sam felt completely triumphant. She took a deep breath and was about to say something when Daniel stood up.

"You know what, guys? I think you two have to deal with this on your own. This doesn't really concern me. This is about the feelings you two have for each other, not for me. So, I'm going to take a walk and whenever you're done, turn on the porch light and that will be my signal to come back into the house." He noticed they were both about to object, so he stopped them with a gesture of his hands. He turned around and silently walked out of the house.


	6. Chapter 6

**Confessions** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private.  
Spoilers: All seasons, including 10.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Confessions**

**Chapter 6**

Sam felt suddenly desolate. All the anger disappeared.

"Did you see his eyes?" she asked Jack.

"What about his eyes?" he counter-asked, still reeling from the latest revelation.

"He was hurt. He was not happy… or mad, just hurt."

"Why would _he_ be hurt? It's not like you slept with me," he said with heavy sarcasm.

"I didn't sleep with him either. He's too much of a gentleman to contradict me in front of you, but, no, we really didn't. I wanted to, but he didn't let me. I think he's convinced I was doing it because I felt pity for him."

"Pity? Why would you- It was tonight?"

"Yeah." She lowered her eyes. She felt embarrassed about the whole thing, with both of them. Man, she was not good at this. She was almost as bad as Jack. "Listen, Sir," she started.

"Jack," he corrected, the tone mellowed, too.

"Listen, Jack," she said with a sigh. "I think all of it is true in a way. I do love him and I do love you, even Teal'c. I have these very deep feelings for the three of you and I can only explain it by all these years we've spent together. Few people get as close as we have… The difference is that Daniel is open to more. Teal'c has Ishta and you-" She stopped, unsure of how to word what she wanted to say.

"I what?"

"You don't really seem committed to the idea of a long term relationship. I know you've had short-lived ones, like Laira or Kerry, to mention the ones I know about, but you haven't given any signs that you want more than that… and that's not what _I_ want. I've been waiting for someone to come and save me from this solitude I feel every time I come home −the four of us do−. To make me feel that I'm not only a soldier and that my life is worth something to someone other than my teammates. Have you thought that if I die tomorrow the only person left in my life is my brother and he wouldn't even be allowed to come to my real funeral?"

Jack silently agreed. He knew exactly what she was talking about.

"I thought that man could be you −for a while, at least− and the flirting kept the hope going. I thought that you wanted the same, but by now we both know, that's not it." She paused, but he did not contradict her, so she continued. "And, besides, we both also know that we wouldn't work as a couple, not for long in any case."

"Carter… Sam, I mean. I know what you're saying, but you really don't see any chances for us?"

For a second, it stunned Sam that for the first time he was acknowledging that he wanted to share something with her, but she got over it soon. "Have you actually thought of what we could _do_ together? How would our life be like? I've put a lot of thought into it over the years, I promise you, and the more realistic it became, the harder it got to maintain any hope. I will concede that there's physical attraction," she felt blush all over her face, "but that's not enough for a life together."

"Who knows if we have a life to be together? We could either be dead by tomorrow."

"I know our risks are higher, but that holds true for everybody else. Anyone can die any time. What I would like is to start a relationship with the hope that it would last as long as I live, even if I die tomorrow. It wouldn't be fair if I agreed to be with you because we could die tomorrow and it would be fun meanwhile. And if we don't die? Then what?"

Jack had no answer. He had never really considered all the possibilities. He knew he wanted her, but what else?

"Do you want to have more children?" Sam suddenly asked.

He took a few seconds to understand. "Children?"

"Yes, children. I know I'm getting old, but I'd really like to try. Every time I see my nephew and my niece, I feel this wonder… I wish I could feel it with my own child. I know exactly why Janet kept Cassie; I would have done the same."

"I haven't… I don't know, Sam. I'm older than you. I don't think it would be fair-"

"You see; one more thing against _us_. You have to agree that I have a lot more in common with Daniel. Until today, I had never really considered that possibility. I had no clue he felt that way about me, though it looks like others knew it. Teal'c… even Cam."

"Does that change anything?"

"Yes, it does. When I came here today I just wanted to talk with him. It bothered me to see him hurting. I knew how much I loved him, but, as I said, I felt the same way for you."

"What happened then?'

"I can't explain it, really. One minute I was crying over the misery of our lives and the next I started seeing all the potential that Daniel had. And for the first time he let a little bit of the passion he felt for me come out in his eyes and… it felt like fire…"

Jack looked at her with surprise.

Sam smiled shyly. "It's weird to talk about this with you, but I suddenly feel so much lighter, like years of carrying heavy burdens had vanished in the past."

"It's okay," he said softly.

"You see what I'm saying, right?"

"I saw how you defended him, with teeth and nails, a while ago."

She smiled broadly. "I'm sorry. I don't know what got over me. It's that I always have this sensation, at the back of my mind, −I don't mean to offend you−"

He shook his head.

"I feel that you think that when standing by you, nobody would ever choose him over you."

"Sha're chose him… and Shyla… and Hathor-"

Sam made a face and he knew he should stop.

"Maybe. I don't think about those things too much," he conceded.

"I just don't want to see him hurt anymore. We could have something wonderful together if only he trusted that I feel this way for him."

"He's pretty adamant that you don't love him, that you told him that you were just friends."

"I know. It's just that I misunderstood his question. When we were in Vis Uban, he asked me if there was anything between us and I thought he was asking if we were a couple or lovers or anything like that. I told him no, of course. Now I think he was asking if we had strong feelings for each other, if we were more than just teammates, if there was some kind of deeper connection… You know _we do have that. _He felt it that day; he couldn't remember, but he felt it. I took all his hope away with my words. Maybe, if I had said something more powerful, like how much I wanted to have him back, not just for the team, for myself, because I doubt I've ever missed anyone the way I missed him that year …"

"You couldn't have known, Sam."

"But now I know and I need him to believe me. I want to choose him. I want to have him for myself. I want to be his. It's so clear now that it's almost overwhelming." Her eyes filled with tears and Jack stood up and walked towards her.

She got up and they hugged. Sam could not avoid crying a little bit. It felt good. He understood now. He was not mad at her for not choosing him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Confessions** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private.  
Spoilers: All seasons, including 10.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Confessions**

**Chapter 7**

Jack broke the embrace soon. "I'm still not good at this."

"You're better than you give yourself credit for; you've always been there when I needed you. You were there when I lost my father and when Janet…" She felt like crying again.

"I wasn't there much when we lost Daniel that time-"

"That time… Do you realize how many times we've lost him? Back then I couldn't understand why you didn't want to deal with it, but I think I know better now."

"It was too big a loss- I usually don't talk about these things with anyone."

"Don't you feel better now that we finally did this? That the air is clear?" She paused. "I don't usually talk about this either. I've told you things tonight that I doubt I'd have told my own brother. I think we both deserved, after so many years together, to tell each other what our feelings are, to acknowledge what has been there floating between us all this time. Now we can start from zero." She looked straight into his eyes. "Will you be okay with Daniel and me together?"

He nodded.

Sam smiled.

"We should be calling him back. Who knows what he's thinking; you know him."

"He's probably blaming himself for our argument," Sam replied with a smile as she started walking towards the front door. She turned the porch lights on and went back to the kitchen. She sat at the table, but Jack remained standing by the kitchen counter.

"What are you going to tell him?" he asked.

"That we've talked about our differences and we've reached a shared conclusion."

"I think I'd better go and leave you two alone."

"You don't have to leave."

"I just don't want to be here when you get all cozy and-"

"You're not actually jealous, are you?"

"It will just take a while. That's all."

At that moment they heard the front door open. Jack walked towards it and came face to face with Daniel. There was a second in which they both stared into each others eyes and then they hugged tightly.

Daniel kept thinking that whatever had happened, whatever Sam and Jack had decided, he did not want it to ruin his friendship with either of them. He loved them both, in different ways, but both. In spite of all their disagreements, few people were as important as Jack to him. And he loved Sam too much to even think of losing her completely. He wanted them to know that he would be okay either way, that having Sam was what he wanted, but he was willing to accept it if she chose Jack.

Jack was feeling something different. Sam had completely left his mind at that moment. He could only see the pain in Daniel's eyes and he could also see his willingness to let him win. It almost hurt him. He was not able to explain to himself what had made Daniel such an important person in his life, above any other, even Sam. He could think of many times when he would have gladly changed positions with the young man to avoid him pain or suffering. He knew how much he would have given to have been the one who had to stop the explosion in Kelowna to spare Daniel that horrible death. For a second, while they were hugging, he thought that this could have been Charlie; that this was how it would have felt to hold his grown son, and that was when he finally understood. Daniel was his son, in many ways. He had adopted him as his own somehow, probably that day on Abydos when Daniel had stood up to him when he was about to blow the whole place up. "I don't want to die. Your men don't want to die. And these people here don't want to die. It's a shame you're in such a hurry to." Nobody had talked to him like that since Charlie's death; nobody had dared.

Jack could see now that if Charlie had survived, he would have liked him to be like Daniel, even with all the defects he usually saw in him, because most of those defects made him a much better person than he would ever be. And because of that, seeing him happy with Sam was not going to be anywhere near as painful as seeing him die again. If only there was a way to ensure that they would not lose him anymore…

He unconsciously tightened the embrace and then he let Daniel go. "You know, Daniel, before you settle down you have to do something about this dying over and over on us. It's not healthy, I'm telling you."

Daniel was perplexed. "What?"

"Just listen to her. She won't lie to you."

There was something fleeting in Daniel's eyes and Jack caught it immediately.

"She didn't lie to me. She told me the truth, about everything. You just need to listen and then find a way to stay with us without… interruptions."

Daniel wondered what had made Jack think about his death, but decided not to ask. "You're leaving?"

"Yeah. I left George alone at the hotel. I'd better go check on him." He approached him and said in a lower voice. "Go talk to her. You'll be okay."


	8. Chapter 8

**Confessions** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private.  
Spoilers: All seasons, including 10.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Confessions**

**Chapter 8**

After Jack left, Daniel walked slowly back to the kitchen. Sam was standing by the counter, preparing coffee.

"Hey, would you like a cup?" she asked as soon as she saw him.

"Sure," he replied and walked towards her. He took the coffee and sat at the table. "So," he started, unsure of how to broach the subject.

"So… Did Jack tell you anything?"

"Not really. He said I should talk to you."

Sam poured a cup of coffee for herself and sat facing Daniel. "You were right about something. Jack and I needed to talk about our feelings." She paused and looked down, unable to face Daniel while she talked about Jack. "There has been some kind of _"if"_ floating in the air between us for a long time, mostly because we never gathered the courage to go beyond the question…"

Daniel looked at his cup, trying to hide his feelings.

"But I think, in a way, today, you forced us to do it and-" she thought about it for a second, "I know you didn't mean to force it; it just happened this way… but we realized that he and I had no future as anything else than what we already are, friends, teammates."

"Why not?" Daniel asked, though he was pretty certain of the reasons why Sam and Jack would never work as a couple, not for long at least.

"Mostly because what we want for our lives from now on is very different and, also, because we are _very different_. What we enjoy, what we like to spend time on…"

"But you're in love with him."

"Yes and no," Sam said slowly. "What I really came to see tonight is that I have these same deep feelings for the three of you-"

"Three?" Daniel asked confused.

"Yes," Sam said earnestly. "You two and Teal'c, too. I can't really explain it. It's something very intense. I'd do anything for you three."

Daniel sat back, more relaxed. "I understand, Sam. I feel the same way. We've been more than a team for many years now. We even have the same dysfunctions as a family…" He took a deep breath. "But I think your feelings for Jack go beyond that."

"Do you?" she asked with doubt. "I've started to think that it's never been that way. It's just that what we feel is very difficult to distinguish from those other feelings."

Daniel looked unconvinced.

"And the truth is that it doesn't really matter. We could never make it work."

"Okay," Daniel said, mostly to avoid talking about it any longer.

"You and I, on the other hand," Sam offered while searching his eyes.

"What?"

"We could make it. I'd never thought about it before, but now I can see the possibilities."

Daniel could not decide if he should feel thankful or offended. He was glad that she could see herself with him, but he felt it was not because of what _he_ could give her but only because of what Jack could _not_. He was so used to being hurt, that he unconsciously chose the second possibility, though he did not want to blame Sam for it, so he put aside his feelings and tried his best logical argument. "I know, I've seen them, too, Sam, but I don't think we have what we need to go beyond this friendship either."

"But, Daniel, we're so much alike, we like the same things; we used to spend so much time together-"

"I know, I know. It's not that."

"You can't tell me we don't have chemistry either. We both were there earlier today; we both felt the power-"

"I see that, too, Sam, but it could have happened the same way with Jack and you. You said it; this is too intense. I think what we have to do is to let it go and go back to where we were before today. If Vala hadn't been pushing-"

"But it's good that she did. Jack and I are fine now. It's only up to you and me to fix the rest."

"And to fix it I'm asking you to let it go. Let's imagine this didn't happen; at least the part between you and me."After hesaid it, he had to get up to hide the power of his emotions. He walked to the sink and washed his cup. "I'm begging you, Sam. Please, let it go, forget it. It wouldn't work this way; it really wouldn't."

Sam was about to object when she realized what Daniel was thinking and how hard he was taking it. He was feeling he was the second choice. He thought she was choosing him because she could not have Jack. In a way, _she_ had put it that way. It was logical for him to see it in that light. She decided a strategic retreat was in order. She stood and walked toward him.

He was still by the sink, avoiding facing her.

Sam put her hands on his shoulders and he shivered slightly. She noticed it, but said nothing about it. "Maybe you're right, Daniel. This has been a very long day. I'd better go home. We could talk some more another day."

He turned to face her. "We don't need to talk about it. It's okay. I just want to know that we'll be okay and that we can put this behind us," he finished with an anxious look.

Sam could feel his pain, but she knew she could not do anything else that night. She had to let him know that she was fine and then she could concentrate on how to make him understand what she really wanted. It was too new for her, too, so she needed to shape it in her mind before making him see it. "We'll always be fine, Daniel, and yes, we'll always be able to put behind anything that threatens our friendship. We'll only keep what makes it stronger," she said, trying not to say anything she would have to back off from later. "Could we at least have one of those Sundays we used to have years ago? You know, catch a movie, get some take-out, forget all the doom around us-"

"This Sunday?"

"Sure. It's been a long time." She paused. "I really need to feel that we're truly okay, that we won't stop talking to each other because of this. If we can make it tomorrow, then it will be all right."

"Okay," he gave in. He knew it would be quite hard, but he had to start living with it one way or another or they would most likely grow apart. "You choose a movie and let me know the time. I'll pick you up."

"Great!" she replied and hugged him.

"I'll drive you home. It's too late for taxis," he said as he left her to look for his car keys.

Sam looked at him tenderly. "I promise, Daniel, we'll be fine." She smiled broadly and walked toward the front door.


	9. Chapter 9

**Confessions** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private.  
Spoilers: All seasons, including 10.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Confessions**

**Chapter 9**

All the way to Sam's house Daniel struggled with the memories of the day. He had gotten so close to her, only to have to let her go. More like make her go, he thought. Had he been too proud? Had he allowed his jealousy of Jack to take his only chance at getting Sam for himself? He would have to stop second-guessing his decisions and accept the consequences of them, or he would go insane. What was done was done and it probably was for the best. At least, the best for Sam.

When he got home, he went straight to bed to minimize the chance of going over the events of the day once more. They were still too fresh to try being somewhat cold-headed about them. The next day it would be easier and better the following one. One day at a time, he would re-learn to be away from Sam. After all, a few minutes of passion could not erase years of friendship. More than a few… so eternal and so brief at the same time… Like that first kiss, when he least expected it, but just as fabulous as he had so many times imagined it would be.

Oh, God. He was doing it again. He covered his head with a pillow and tried to finally fall asleep.

The next day he was thankful to have all Saturday to prepare himself for seeing Sam again. He tried cleaning the house and catching up with a few reports he had not finished yet, to keep his mind away from her for a while, but he was not very successful. Finally, he surrendered and spent the day rationalizing his decisions from the night before.

Sunday was far easier to survive than he had feared. Sam behaved as if they had never had a discussion about their feelings or almost made love in his den, so he followed her lead and behaved the same way. Soon, it did not take much effort at all; it was the same he had been doing all the time he had been hiding his real feelings for her. They had a great day together and he was reminded of why he had fallen in love with her.

The rest of the week went easy as well. They had a tremendous amount of work to do to prepare for their next mission and Daniel felt happy that Sam was comfortable enough to come often to his office and help him organize their intel on the Lucian Alliance. Those times when they worked together had always been some of his best memories.

The day after their mission was very different. Sam was still shaken by everything that happened aboard the Odyssey, especially the death of Colonel Emerson, and remained in her lab all day. Daniel noticed her absence during lunch and went to see her. He found that Vala was already there, trying to cheer her up. Between the two they finally convinced Sam to join them for a basketball game Cam had arranged for the afternoon. Sam was not usually part of the games, which had started while she was still in Nevada, but now and then she did not mind sharing the new team ritual.

Vala and Sam made sure Teal'c joined their team against Daniel and Cam's. Their victory was not easy, but having Teal'c on their side was definitely an advantage. After the game, the boys stayed behind to clean up, while the girls went to the showers. Daniel felt pleased when he saw Sam joking with Vala as they left the gym. Her mood had improved much since the morning.

Sam, for her part, had not lost sight of Daniel for long. She had been checking his reactions and his moods since the night of the confessions, as she had started calling it. She wanted to make sure that what she was planning to do would work and not just hurt Daniel more. She was completely certain of her feelings by then and she did not want to waste too much time. After all, they were not twenty anymore. Hey, not even thirty.

That day had been especially hard for her. She could not take Paul Emerson's death out of her mind. It had been so senseless and so sudden, that she had trouble processing it. The worst part was that she felt somehow guilty about it. Though Landry had already completely endorsed her decisions during the incident, she kept thinking that perhaps there was something else she could have done. By midday she had already discovered that there was another thought bothering her. What would have happened if it had been Daniel there instead of Paul? He would have never understood what she felt for him. No, she could not wait much longer. Their lives were too dangerous and the chances of dying were too high. She had to make Daniel see the truth one way or another and soon.

On her way to the showers she barely listened to Vala. She tried to be polite, but her mind was full of ideas and a mix of dread and anticipation. She took a long shower while she planned the details of her next move. It was late by then and probably everybody would be going home. They were on stand down for the rest of the week and there was no need to stay late. That was an advantage. Now she needed to think the perfect sentence that would make Daniel go to her house instead of his. They had to talk and they had to do it in the privacy of one of their homes, but she did not want to impose herself and go to his house. She wanted him in her territory, voluntarily. Somewhat, at least.

Daniel walked to the locker rooms with his teammates, still talking about their defeat. Cam and Teal'c went in first and, before he could follow them, Vala came out smiling

"It's all yours, boys. We're out of here," she said as she walked away.

Sam was following her closely, but when she passed by Daniel's side she leaned in and whispered in his ear.

"I want to kiss you so badly right now, Daniel, that it hurts."

She smiled shyly and left a perplexed Daniel standing by the door.


	10. Chapter 10

**Confessions** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private.  
Spoilers: All seasons, including 10.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Confessions**

**Chapter 10**

He went into the shower still in shock. Why had she done something like that? They had a deal. She had promised to let it go. He had made his best effort. He had not shown any of his feelings for her. Why did she have to say that and stir everything up again? He had to talk to her. He had to remind her of their pact; he had to make sure she understood how hard she was making it for him to keep his part of the deal.

He got out of the shower and got dressed as fast as he could. Maybe she was still on the base. Probably on her way up or even in the parking lot. He would find her and have a good talk with her.

He was at the exit in a few minutes, but the guard there informed him that Sam had already left. He felt defeated. Now he would have to wait until the next day to talk to her… or he could go see her right now. No, that was not a good idea. Not in her house. If she wanted to kiss him, maybe she wanted- No, no, no. He was not going there. What if she was joking? No, not that either. She would never joke about something she knew was so important to him. In any case, he had to talk to her soon and clear it up.

He walked to his car and sat inside for a while trying to decide what to do. Finally, he put the key in the ignition and drove towards Sam's house.

Sam took a moment before opening the door. She did not want him to realize she had been sitting close to the door, anxiously waiting for him to come.

"Hey," she said as she let him in. Her smile was too broad not to reveal how happy she was that he had done as she expected, so she tried controlling herself better. "Come in, come in. Would you like a cup of coffee or something else, maybe?" She asked nervously.

"No, this will take just a minute," he said seriously.

She tried not smiling and agreed with a nod of her head.

"It's about that thing you said-" he stopped, unable to bring it up.

"About the kiss? Oh, that… Yeah, well, it just came out, you know… One of those things… You're thinking something and then, bam! You said it. Maybe I shouldn't have, right?"

She was talking fast and Daniel felt that, though the words seemed somehow apologetic, the whole mood was not. She seemed to be enjoying the situation. "This is serious, Sam. These past days have been very hard for me and now you come up with something like this and it makes it harder."

"Well, if faking you're not in love with me ishard, stop faking," she replied with a smirk.

"Sam… Why are you doing this? We had an agreement."

"That was your decision. What if I _don't want to_ let it go?"

"It was the most reasonable solution. I understand that Jack can't give you what you need, but that doesn't mean that I'd do any better. I'd already be at a disadvantage. I'm not the one you're in love with, Sam."

"I thought I explained that to you," Sam said with frustration in her voice.

"Okay, I get the part about the deep feelings for… the _three _of us, I can understand that, but it's not the same."

"No, you're right, it's not. You don't see me trying to kiss Teal'c, do you?"

"But Jack-"

"But Jack nothing!" she said impatiently and started walking towards the kitchen. "I'm going to get some tea for myself. Feel free to follow," she added, fairly irritated.

"Sam, I'm just trying to do the best-"

"No, you're not!" She said turning to face him. "How can it be the best to forget about all this? Weren't you there in that den of yours with me? Didn't you feel the same way I was feeling? You can't tell me to deprive ourselves of that is the best."

"So, all you want is sex?"

She closed her eyes as she raised her hands and then she closed her fists tightly. "I feel like hitting you and that's very different from what I was feeling today." She turned and went straight into the kitchen.


	11. Chapter 11

**Confessions** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private.  
Spoilers: All seasons, including 10.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Confessions**

**Chapter 11**

Daniel followed her slowly. He could see she was furious, but he honestly did not understand what she wanted.

When Sam heard him entering the room she made sure to keep her back to him and said more calmly, "I definitely get now that you have no clue about what I feel, Daniel, so I'm going to explain it once more, slowly, for the last time, and you can do with it what you want." She waited a few seconds to see if there was any reply from him and then continued. "You got the part about the intense feelings I have for you, right? Well, add to that the new feelings- No, they aren't new. I just didn't understand before. Listen. When I met you, I was fascinated by you."

"Sam," he tried to stop her.

"No, let me do this." She turned and signaled for him to sit at the table. She sat facing him. "I was. I had heard all these stories about how you discovered the meaning of the symbols on the cover stone, without even seeing the gate, and how you found the way home from Abydos, or how you threw yourself in front of Jack to save his life, or how you shot at Ra-"

"Sam…"

"No, you don't understand. You were one of us, one of the geeks," she smiled. "We had been working on that stone for two years, two years… You did it in two weeks and then you became this kind of hero… I barely could believe you were alive when Jack had to tell the truth about his report and, a few days later, there you were and you had all these ideas- I thought I was dreaming in the Cartouche Room..." She paused and the excitement disappeared from her voice. "When Sha're was taken everything changed. I don't know what would have happened if she hadn't. I don't know-" she stood and got the boiling water from the stove.

Daniel was silent, looking at her, without showing any emotion.

"You know how important you've been to me all these years. I know I somehow played favorites with Jack, but I never really thought it would go beyond that. I may have fantasized, but in the back of my mind I always knew that, even if we tried, we wouldn't go far. What I didn't know was that I'd get another chance with you. It took so much effort to build that barrier between you and me because you belonged to Sha're that I thought it was indestructible. I came very close to realizing what was hiding there while you were dying in that bed, after Kelowna. I think I even tried to tell you what I felt, but _to admit it to myself, _that would have been suicidal. You have no idea how hard that year was."

Daniel lowered his head. What Sam was saying was so full of implications that he was almost overwhelmed.

She poured a couple of cups of tea and gave him one. He took it silently and drank a little bit from it. She went back to her chair.

"Do you have any idea how many times I've sat right here, in this same chair, crying because I thought I had lost you? How many times I've run to my quarters to hide because I couldn't conceal the pain? And I still didn't see how deep it went, until that night, when I heard you admit that you loved me- It was like a revelation, an abyss opening in front of me, but I was not falling, I felt so strong, capable of jumping all the way to the other side… Do you understand? Everything makes sense now. For a while I was amazed that you had realized before I did, but, then, I've always been so bad at relationships," she smiled. "I just need you to know that what I'm feeling goes far beyond anything I've ever felt for any man before and no matter what you decide, that will never change. I once read that true, meaningful love, many times starts with admiration and God knows I admire you… I've admired you from the beginning. And I also trust you with my life and… I also want you like I've never wanted anyone before." She raised her eyes from her cup of tea and realized Daniel was looking at her and that his eyes were full of tears. "You don't think I could tell any of that to Jack, do you? Because, yes, probably I admire him as a leader, and yes, I trust him, but there's no comparison, Daniel, none."

"I don't know what to say… Thank you," he said softly.

"You don't have to say anything or to thank me, my goodness, Daniel."

He looked down. "No matter what I say, there's no way I could- No, you know what, Sam, I have to try. You deserve it. It's that you… you're too generous with me. You just made me feel the same way you made me feel on Vis Uban. Too good to be true."

She was about to say something, but he stopped her.

"No, Sam. It's my turn." He paused. "That's the way I felt on Vis Uban. I couldn't believe what you were saying about me. My first conclusion was that you cared too much about me, that you saw me with subjective eyes, that there had been something deep between us. I thought maybe you didn't want to tell me because I couldn't even remember your face. At the same time I realized _I_ had that kind of feeling. I was bound to you somehow. That's why I had to ask."

"Well, you see, it took stripping you out of all your memories to make you understand what we had. I never had that chance and I remained blind to it."

"You see much more of me than there really is."

"No, Daniel, don't do that. You have to know, deep down in your heart, that everything I've said is true."


	12. Chapter 12

**Confessions** by Betty Bokor  
Sam/Daniel. Daniel and Vala are overheard as they talk about something very private.  
Spoilers: All seasons, including 10.  
Disclaimer: The Stargate original characters belong to MGM/Showtime, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Film Corp. This was written strictly for the purpose of entertainment. No attempt at copyright infringement has been made.

**Confessions**

**Chapter 12**

"But you've also seen the worse of me, Sam. Since this started I've done things that I didn't believe myself capable of, that give me nightmares almost every night…"

"We've been at war, Daniel. The nightmares would be much worse if you hadn't done those things."

He looked frustrated for a second and then he changed his expression. "So, you really want to try this? Do you want to see if we're not too ruined by this life we've lead to try something new?"

"New? You and I? You see us as something new? We already know so much about each other, we don't even have to keep this secret we have to hide from the rest of the world-"

"It's very new to me to think that I won't be alone every night, every time I turn my key in that lock… If you think of how old I am, my time with Sha're is but a minute… I've been alone all my life..." He suddenly felt that it was not such a good idea to be talking about Sha're at that time. "I've spent far more time with you than I ever did with her." He looked at her. "But I still don't know if I'd know how to be happy; I'm so used to just being _fine…_ or not dead at least," he smiled.

Sam smiled, too, and stretched her arm to touch his hand. "I know what you mean, Daniel, but, yes, I want to try. I want it to work out so much, that I'm not afraid at all. I just feel a little self-conscious talking so honestly about feelings and- I'm just not used to talking about these things."

"We wouldn't have gotten here without talking."

"I know. I'm glad. So, what now?" She asked feeling suddenly jittery. "Is it me or do you also feel like when you were in high school and you had a crush on one of your classmates?"

"I was already in college by that time, but, yes, I remember feeling this way when I was 16; I had a crush on a very attractive professor, even though she was a lot older than me," he smiled. "She looked a lot like you, now that I think about it."

She jokingly threw a napkin in his direction. "Hey, I'm younger than you. I'm not even forty yet."

He smiled widely. "I was just thinking of how beautiful she was, not how old."

"Oh…"

They both laughed, trying to release the tension.

"I do think I'm too old for this."

"For what?" she teased.

"Dating, first kisses and all that."

"Dating? I wouldn't think we need that at this point," Sam said.

"Okay," he agreed, still not very enthusiastic.

"And, technically, it wouldn't really be a first kiss; we went far beyond that the last time." The memories of that Friday night made her feel a bit embarrassed. She stood and put the cups in the sink.

"Yeah, true. Then, my den was not the best place for that," he tried, feeling awkward, too. He got up and cleaned the table.

"Maybe we should try something more comfortable next time. Upstairs?"

"Sounds good." He immediately realized the implications of her words. "You mean now?"

She turned and looked at him. "Don't you think we've waited long enough?" She tentatively grabbed his hand and started walking towards the stairs.

He did not stop her and she felt more at ease.

"Would you like me to get into something more… _mood-inducing_ maybe?"

"No, don't think so. You don't need anything special to _induce_…"

"What about getting _out _of this?" she tried as they started going up.

"_That_ I can help you with; no problem at all."

"Good; the temperature has suddenly risen around here."

"Yeah, very high, I'd say. I'll need help myself."

"That's what friends are for." She stopped, turned to face him and pulled his sweater over his head, then kissed him softly.

Daniel grabbed her by the waist and in a swift movement picked her up in his arms without breaking the kiss.

"Aren't you thankful of all the training we've given you at the SGC?" Sam joked as they continued their way up. "Because I certainly am."

"For a man over forty, as you pointed out, I'm doing pretty well, so, yes, I'm thankful. And you haven't seen anything yet," he smiled.

They got to the top of the stairs and Daniel walked towards Sam's bedroom. Before he could open the door, Sam tightened her embrace.

"What?"

"Tell me you have faith that this… we, that we'll work out, not only tonight, because of that we can be pretty certain, but for the long run."

"I do I do have faith, Sam. If you had asked me this morning, I don't know what I would have said, but, now, I'm sure. Do you know what I've been thinking since we left the kitchen?"

"I have a pretty good idea," she said with a smile.

"No. I don't think so. I've been trying to find the best way to ask you this, but there'll never be a better time. Would you marry me, Sam?"

She was so close to his face; she could hear his breathing halting, waiting for an answer. "Could I say _Yeah, sure, you betcha,_ without breaking the magic?"

He laughed and kissed her very passionately. "That's the perfect answer," he said a few moments later.

"Have you thought that, in all those alternate realities we discovered, every time I ended up with Jack I had never had the chance at being with you?"

He was surprised by the question, still standing by her bedroom door, holding her, but he took a second and thought about it. "You're right. You didn't know me in any of them. And in the one where you married MacKay; I had never come back." He smiled at the strange thought that had crossed her mind. "I know of one reality where we were married and we were having a baby," he added as he finally pushed the door open and got into the room with her. He carefully sat on the edge of the bed, holding her on his legs.

"You do? Which one?"

"Do you remember when we had the ripple effect?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Remember the team with Janet and Martouf?"

"Yeah."

"Their world."

"How do you know?"

"I asked about you and Janet told me."

"I asked her, too. She just said I was on maternity leave… and then she looked at you!"

Daniel smiled broadly.

She embraced him once more. "Have you thought about having children? Because, if you have, we should hurry up. I'm not forty, but I'm not twenty either."

He softly slid his hand on her back under the sweater and made her shiver. "I can start any minute," he lowered his head and kissed her neck. "Whenever you want."

"They say there's no better time than the present… Go ahead; I'm all for it," she added as she pushed him backwards on the bed.

"Your wish is my command, ma'am," he smiled as he rolled to a more comfortable position.

She smiled back at him and grabbed his head to kiss him. "I have plenty of ideas, sir; this will be a job for life."


End file.
